Your Money Scripts Are Showing (And They're Not Pretty)

Let's talk about something we all have but pretend we don't: weird money habits that make absolutely no sense when you say them out loud. You know, like how you'll spend $47 on organic kale but then drive across town to save 3 cents per gallon on gas. Or how you can negotiate a six-figure salary but still feel guilty buying the good toilet paper.

Welcome to the wild world of money scripts: the subconscious financial rulebook you've been carrying around since your parents first told you "money doesn't grow on trees" while simultaneously buying a $200 breadmaker they used exactly once.

What Are Money Scripts?

Back in 2011, financial psychologist Brad Klontz discovered that we all walk around with invisible money beliefs, called money scripts, that impact our financial lives. These beliefs usually formed when we were kids, absorbing our parents' financial neuroses like little financial sponges.

Think about it: Did your parents whisper about money like it was a dirty word? Did they pinch pennies and maintain a frugal lifestyle? Did they argue about it behind closed bedroom doors while you pretended to be asleep? Or maybe they threw money around like confetti at a parade? All of this shaped your current relationship with money, and spoiler alert: it's probably complicated.

Our money scripts become especially dramatic during life's big moments. You know, those times when you're already questioning everything, like career changes, marriages, buying homes, and that delightful phase when your parents start "dropping hints" about grandkids while you're still figuring out how to keep a houseplant alive.

The Four Money Personalities

1. Money Avoidance: The Ostrich Approach

The Script: "Money is icky, and thinking about it makes me want to hide under my weighted blanket with a bag of chips."

Do you break out in hives when your credit card statement arrives? Do you have 47 unopened emails from your bank? Does thinking about, talking about, or managing your money cause stress and anxiety? Do you envy people with more money? Congratulations, you might be a money avoider!

Money avoiders have this fascinating ability to simultaneously believe that money is evil and that it would solve all their problems. It's like being afraid of spiders but also convinced that a tarantula would make an excellent roommate. And honestly? This makes perfect sense when you think about how many of us learned that money causes problems while also being told it's the solution to everything.

How This Shows Up in Real Life:

• In your 30s: You're still paying minimum payments on student loans that could be refinanced, but researching rates feels harder than understanding cryptocurrency. You let your partner handle all the money stuff because "they're better with numbers".

• In your 40s: Your kids need college funds, but thinking about 529 plans makes you want to take a nap. You avoid talking to your aging parents about their finances, even though you know Uncle Bob has been "helping" with their investments (and Uncle Bob once lost money on a "sure thing" involving alpaca farming).

• In your 50s: Retirement planning meetings feel like root canals, so you keep rescheduling. Meanwhile, you're still automatically paying for your 28-year-old's Netflix subscription because confronting money conversations is harder than just eating the $15/month.

Money avoidance may lead to giving away more money than you have (whether to family, friends, or charities) in an unconscious effort to decrease your worth. Sticking to this script can also lead to not thinking about money, ignoring financial statements, and struggling to create and stick with a budget.

The Fix: Start small. Look at one financial statement today. Just one. You can do this while wearing your comfort sweatpants and holding your emotional support coffee mug. Or set regular check-in intervals (weekly, monthly, or quarterly) to bring added structure to your plan. Rome wasn't built in a day, and your financial awareness doesn't need to be either.

Re-defining the role money plays in your life:

• Right now you see money as a negative element. Re-think that space and list ways money can positively impact your life and others, like reaching your goals, eliminating debt, charitable giving, etc.

• Create a vision board for your ideal future to transform money from a source of anxiety to a tool for creating your desired life.

• Consider working with a financial therapist who can help identify the emotional roots of your avoidance.

2. Money Worship: The "More Money, More Problems" Gospel

The Script: "Money is happiness. Also, there's never enough of it. Ever. Even if I had all the money in the world, I'd still need more money to buy a second world."

Money worshippers believe that cash is the ultimate life solution, like a financial Swiss Army knife that can fix everything from loneliness to bad hair days. They're the ones working 80-hour weeks while their families communicate through carefully scheduled calendar invites.

In a world that constantly tells us we need more, bigger, better, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking money equals happiness. And the cruel irony? The harder you chase money for its own sake, the more it feels like you're running on a treadmill to nowhere.

How This Shows Up in Real Life:

• In your 30s: You took on massive debt for a Pinterest-perfect wedding because "you only get married once" (hopefully), and now you're working a soul-crushing job that pays well but makes you question your life choices daily. Your idea of self-care is buying expensive things online at 2 AM.

• In your 40s: You’re working excessive hours at the expense of health and relationships. You're the queen of lifestyle inflation—every raise means a bigger house, fancier car, or designer handbags that cost more than some people's rent. Your emergency fund? What emergency fund? That money is busy being invested in "aggressive growth opportunities" (also known as "things that make your financial advisor nervous").

• In your 50s: You're finally financially secure but can't stop working because slowing down feels like moving backward. You're funding your adult children's entire lives while your own retirement account gives you anxiety dreams.

Money is a vehicle to help reach your goals. When this gets blurry in the chase for more money, stop and think about your truest life goals. What's at the top of the list? What do you value? How can your money bring about those values and goals? When money goes out of focus, your goals can take center stage.

The Fix: Remember that money is like a good bra—it should support you, not define you. Try calculating how many hours of your actual life you're trading for each purchase. That $500 purse might not seem so appealing when you realize it cost you 20 hours of dealing with Dave from accounting. Give with intention: Building charitable contributions into your plan can structure your finances in support of personally meaningful causes and organizations that also help others.

3. Money Status: The "Keeping Up with the Joneses" Olympics

The Script: "My net worth equals my self-worth, and everyone is definitely keeping score. Also, the Joneses are total show-offs, but I'll show them!"

Money status people treat life like a financial Instagram feed where everything must look perfect. They're the ones buying houses they can't afford in neighborhoods where they have to eat ramen for dinner just to make the mortgage payment. But hey, at least the kitchen looks amazing on social media!

I want to pause here and acknowledge something: we live in a society that judges us constantly based on what we have, what we wear, where we live. The pressure to "keep up" isn't just in your head—it's real, it's relentless, and it's absolutely exhausting. You're not shallow for feeling it.

How This Shows Up in Real Life:

• In your 30s: Your wedding cost more than a small country's GDP because you couldn't bear the thought of your college friends judging your centerpieces. You're house-poor in the trendiest neighborhood, surviving on PB&J while your neighbors assume you're living your best life.

• In your 40s: Your kids are enrolled in more activities than a small university offers, your house is being renovated for the third time (because the Joneses just redid their kitchen), and you're pretty sure your vacation to Tulum was funded entirely by credit cards and optimism.

• In your 50s: You're throwing elaborate parties and funding everyone else's good time while secretly panicking about retirement. Your adult kids think you're loaded because you keep picking up every check, but really you're just too embarrassed to admit you can't afford it.

This script can lead people to believe if they live a good life, the universe will reward them financially for their good behavior. This script can lead to gambling and hiding spending habits from a spouse or family member.

The Fix: Money doesn't define you. This can't be said enough. While it might be hard to not indulge in the present, tracking your spending and saving will set you up for happiness in the future. When you manage your present money needs with foresight into your future needs, you can find that balance between saving for tomorrow and living for today.

• Try values-based budgeting. Spend money on what actually matters to you, not what looks good on Instagram.

• When you spend with intention, you find you actually spend less. Before making a purchase, assess how it aligns with your goals and values. Is this purchase a bandaid or status symbol, or does it actually further your vision and improve your life?

• The same idea applies to saving. When you have a goal for saving and investing money, you have more stake in its success. This brings about a more meaningful savings strategy so you can take that dream vacation, do your house remodel, send your kids to college, and retire with the lifestyle you want.

Also, remember that the Joneses are probably drowning in debt too, so maybe we should all just agree to lower the bar together.

4. Money Vigilance: The Financial Doomsdayer

The Script: "A penny saved is a penny earned, and also the apocalypse is coming so we should probably save seventeen more pennies just in case."

Money vigilant people are the financial equivalent of that friend who brings a first aid kit to a pool party. They're practical, logical, and have enough emergency savings to survive a zombie apocalypse. Unsurprisingly, Klontz views this script as the most financially stable and healthy one in the bunch. Sounds great, right? Except money vigilance can sometimes indicate a fear over one's financial future, which can lead to anxiety and a lack of balance between spending and saving.

If this is you, I want you to know that your caution likely served you well at some point. Maybe you grew up watching financial stress tear your family apart, or maybe you learned early that the only security comes from what you can save. That hypervigilance was your brain trying to protect you, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel safe.

How This Shows Up in Real Life:

• In your 30s: You have enough money to start a family but keep waiting for the "perfect" financial moment. You spend your entire vacation calculating exchange rates and feeling guilty about every purchase.

• In your 40s: Your savings account is impressive, but you refuse to invest in self-care or career advancement opportunities due to perceived "extravagance". Your family thinks you're broke because you refuse to spend money on anything that isn't absolutely essential.

• In your 50s: You could retire comfortably tomorrow but you're convinced you need to save for another decade. You've never discussed money with your adult children, so they have no idea how to manage their finances and assume money management involves magic and prayer.

Money vigilant people can find it difficult to enjoy the money they have. Fears over the financial future can lead to anxiety, lack of sleep, and decreased life satisfaction. It's key to find balance between spending and saving so you can enjoy your life now and in the future.

The Fix: Create a "joy fund" specifically for fun stuff. Yes, this goes against every fiber of your being, but trust me. Life is short, and you can't take your savings account to the grave. You've worked hard for your security and you deserve to enjoy some of it. Start small: maybe it's a really good cup of coffee or that book you've been wanting. Your future self will thank you for learning that it's okay to spend money on happiness.

Rewrite Your Money Story

Here's the thing: these money scripts aren't tattooed on your soul. You can change them, just like you can change your Netflix password or your opinion about whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it absolutely does not).

Start by asking yourself these questions:

• What money beliefs am I carrying around that no longer serve me?

• Am I spending money on things that actually make me happy, or am I just following some weird script my brain wrote twenty years ago?

• If money weren't an issue, what would I do differently?

Remember, you're in your prime earning years with enough life experience to know that most of your childhood fears were completely irrational. It's time to apply that same logic to your money fears.

Your relationship with money doesn't have to be complicated. With a little awareness and some gentle rewriting, you can create a financial story that actually makes sense and maybe even makes you happy.